To Blog Or Not To Blog

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“Doubt, of whatever kind, can be ended by action alone.”

~ Thomas Carlyle ~

Art by: Anton Hickel

 

 

 

 

 

So, it seems I’m gonna try blogging for a little. I never thought about doing it ’til just recently and I’m not altogether sure if it’s a good idea yet.

What happened was, while reinventing my website, the now natural cyber-question arose: “Do you want to blog?” asked my wonderful, wizardly website whiz.

Hmmm, I thought… Could be fun. Could even be useful somehow. But what the hell do I have to blog about? What do people blog about when they blog? And does anyone really care?

Well, apparently, many people care — a lot. Rumor has it that bloggers are some kind of formidable force to be reckoned with, which, like most contemperary cultural trains, I’ve missed entirely as they’ve gone whizzing by me. I decided I needed to do some research about this blogging thing they do nowadays, here in the 21st century, which I never feel as if I’ve fully arrived in.

So off I go, reading blogs, all kinds of blogs, blogs about blogging classes, blogs about blogging, and soon I’m in a fog of blogs, a bog of blogs, and I just want to nap and go back to the 19th century, where it’s quiet.

Frankly, the only solid, certain thing I came away with from all the annoying blather about blogs was how thoroughly and utterly and completely I despise the word BLOG. How bored I am saying it and seeing it everywhere, especially when it is given such prime cultural real estate on the internet. The thing it describes is supposed to have to do with writing, while the word for it sounds like some onomatopoeaic burping sort of a sound you might hear coming out of a bullfrog — which suits a thing having to do with a frog, but does not suit a thing having to do with writing.

And then I find myself profoundly peeved that all those ingenious tech-folk don’t consult with linguists or writers, for Christ’s sake, when they come up with new names for new things, so they don’t end up settling for ugly-ass words like BLOG that litter the lingual landscape like plastic cups and bags and crap that will never, ever decompose.

And may I also say, not so by the way, why do these oh-so-innovative geniuses have such a dearth of linguistic imagination that they constantly co-opt and ruin perfectly innocent, previously beloved words like “cookies,” goddammit. In the whole history of snacks, the word “cookie” was only and ever and always a good-natured, kindly, yummy treat. What used to be purely innocent (or cool, as in “being a smart cookie”) is now something so invasive, so nefarious, so insidious as to be spying on you, even. I mean, seriously… You’re smart enough to invent “a small text file created by a website that is stored in the user’s computer whose purpose is to remember information about you, similar to a preference file created by a software application” and you can’t come up with a snazzy new word for the thing? Or even think to call somebody who can?

And don’t get me started on the slandering of the word “twitter.” Twittering and tweeting used to be the exclusive, exquisitely soul-soothing province of birdsong, for pity’s sake! But thanks to the mob rule of social media, the word Twitter is now synonymous with the mad, bubbling miasma of the collective human subconscious. Bah, humbug.

Okay, so, sure, maybe I’m just too cranky to blog. Who has a gun to my head, you ask? No one. But I’ve decided I’m going to take a why-the-hell-not run at it for a while to see if maybe, for once in my life, I can feel like I’m in sync with the zeitgeist of the age. The chances aren’t good, I’m telling you that right now. If you lower your expectations, I’ll lower mine.

And at the very least, if it turns out that it just ain’t my cup o’ tea, I will never have to say or write the word BLOG ever again.